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Episode 1

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Published on:

1st Jul 2026

Before We Talk About Relationships

Before we talk about relationships with other people, we have to understand the relationship we're having with ourselves.

In this opening episode, I share the experiences that shaped the perspective behind this podcast and why I believe healing isn't just about understanding trauma...it's about rebuilding the relationship with yourself. We explore self-compassion, self-trust, boundaries, over-functioning, and the role they play in every relationship we'll discuss moving forward.

We explore:

  • Why the relationship with yourself is the foundation of every other relationship.
  • How trauma shapes the way we engage in relationships long after the original experiences.
  • Why healing is a relationship of getting back to yourself.
  • The role of self-compassion in changing how we see ourselves and our experiences.
  • Why the voice in our head isn't always our own.
  • How beliefs are created to help us survive.
  • What over-functioning looks like in relationships.
  • Why doing "more" isn't always the answer.
  • The perspective that will guide every conversation on this podcast.

Episode Thoughts to Sit With

The following are direct excerpts from this episode.

"The primary relationship is with yourself."

"One thing that people really don't talk about around trauma is how it is a relationship of getting back to you..."

"If you're only doing your part and nothing goes forward, that's information."

"Even if the problem is them, it's still your work to determine why are you here? Why are you engaging with it?"

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

To connect, ask a question, or share your thoughts, email: ajarutledgecoaching@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to The Reality Between Us.

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About the Podcast

The Reality Between Us
Exploring the hidden dynamics behind love, conflict, and connection.
The Reality Between Us explores what happens underneath relationships.
Through the lens of trauma, nervous systems, self-awareness, and relational patterns, Aja Rutledge examines the forces quietly shaping how we connect, conflict, communicate, avoid, trust, and make meaning of our experiences. Most relationship advice focuses on behavior. This podcast explores what's driving the behavior.
Rather than offering formulas or quick fixes, The Reality Between Us looks beneath the surface of our relationships, with partners, family, friends, coworkers, and most importantly, ourselves, to understand the hidden dynamics influencing how we show up and why we keep repeating the patterns we do. Because what happens between people rarely starts between people. Most relationship advice is looking in one place. We're going to look somewhere else.

About your host

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Aja Rutledge

Aja Rutledge is a writer, facilitator, and student of human behavior with a deep curiosity about what shapes the way we relate to ourselves and each other.

For years, she has explored the intersections of trauma, self-awareness, emotional safety, and relationships—both through her professional work and her own lived experience. Her previous podcast, She Said We Shed, focused on the healing journeys of Black women navigating relationships with narcissistic and emotionally immature mothers.

As the host of The Reality Between Us, Aja brings honest conversations about the hidden dynamics behind love, conflict, and connection. Through a blend of personal insight, observation, and reflection, she explores the patterns, assumptions, protective responses, and experiences that quietly shape our relationships.

Her work invites listeners to look beneath surface-level advice and develop a deeper understanding of themselves, the people around them, and the realities that exist between us.